Hello everyone. Thanks for joining me. My mail-bag has been over-flowing with viewer comments and questions. Before we begin, allow me to thank everyone for their kind comments and encouragement.
After going through the viewer mail, I’ve found many folks requesting we do a show on stubborn clogs. No, not these silly. These. Aren’t they the most frustrating issue? Isn’t it always at the most inconvenient times, for example when you’re expecting your in-laws over for dinner, that you find little Johnny sitting in the center of your powder-room, in 3 inches of water next to an over-flowing commode because today, of all days was the day to send that toy submarine he got for Christmas on its first mission, by way of the sewer system? Kids, you gotta love ’em.
Gladys in Washington, D.C., writes:
“My kitchen sink just won’t drain properly. I’ve tried everything including purchasing the all-new-handy-dandy, William Barr all-purpose plunger. The salesman at my local hardware store assured me there wasn’t a drain the William Barr couldn’t unstop. That it was swamp certified. Well, he was wrong. The William Barr failed miserably. Even seemed to make things worse, if that’s possible.
I finally called in a professional plumber. He took one look, shook his head, and said my stopped-up sink was the swampiest swamp he’d ever come across, adding it had all the signs of decades’ long neglect and he simply refused to even attempt to drain it!
Can you imagine?
Do you have any advice? I’m at my wits end and up to my elbows in the Washington D.C. swamp.
Gladys, don’t fret. If you follow these simple steps, I guarantee you’ll drain that D.C. swamp in no time. Now, remember what I always say:
From achieving the tenderest crepes and in your particular case, draining that D.C. swamp, the right tools make all the difference in the world.
Your first step should be taking that William Barr all-purpose, what was it you said the hardware store salesman called it? A Swamp certified plunger? Take it back and demand a full refund. It doesn’t matter that it’s been used. You see, last Friday, the manufacturer was ordered by a consumer protection advocacy group to re-call each and every William Barr swamp certified plunger. That’s right! You’re entitled to a full refund.
After receiving multiple complaints from consumers, the advocacy group researched the manufacturer. Their findings were shocking. The William Barr is the same model that was used to facilitate the clogging of drains throughout Washington, D.C. as far back as 1972. Documents uncovered by the consumer advocacy group, show the William Barr plunger was directly connected to Oliver North, Manuel Noriega and joined Bush senior’s White House legal team, of swamp creators in the early 1990’s. There are many more documents that support the plunger you purchased was key in creating your swamp in the first place.
It appears many D.C. residents have owned that model through the years and point to the William Barr plunger being one of the main reasons Washington, D.C. is presently so swampy. The manufacturer simply repackaged a failed product.
So get your money back and use it to purchase another plunger. And remember to check the label on the back of the box. If you see the letters S.E.S., or Senior Executive Service printed anywhere on the label or the packaging, don’t waste your hard-earned money. S.E.S., or Senior Executive Service, means the plunger, like the William Barr, will only further clog that drain.
Well, that’s all I have for today. Join me next week, when I’ll share my secret recipe for the creamiest lemon sorbet ever. Promise.